Saturday, February 5, 2011


This morning, I told my friend (a Very Good Man) that I think I might be struggling through a period of depression. The past four and a half months have been very emotionally trying, my job seems to be in a state of instability and my spiritual life feels a bit like Carl Sandburg's "Fog" -- my relationship with the Lord feels tenuous, like my faith is creeping in on "little cat feet." I am not used to describing my feelings in terms of instability; I'm not accustomed to feeling like my brain is a jumble of emotions and words and feelings that will, somehow, NOT obey my commands to be ordered and structured. I am lost in my own head far too often. 


One of the blogs I've begun reading recently is written by a friend-of-a-friend. And this friend-of-MY-friend, a young wife and the mother of two small boys, tragically and unexpectedly lost her husband only a few days before Christmas. She is a gifted, gifted writer; her blog is incredible -- I cannot honestly say that I can read it without getting teary. I have openly wept, at times, over her grief and loss. And I've never even met her in person. She is allowing me, a total stranger, to read and see into her heart at this most vulnerable time in her life. Her courage humbles me. Humbles me. 


I do not discredit my own struggles -- but I want to begin to see those moments of discouragement or depression as reminders to pray for the people I KNOW are experiencing difficulties that my mind cannot fathom. I want, Lord, for You to break me in whatever ways You deem necessary so that I might be an effective demonstration of YOUR love and heart. Please, Lord -- help me to know more of Thee and less -- soooo much less -- of me.

1 comment:

  1. Umm...that blog you linked to...I needed an entire box of tissues when reading it! Amazing. I don't think I would have the strength to blog about my story like she does.