Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Classical Music and French Fries

Today is a classical music kind of day.  I'm in my office, fluorescent lights aflame and waterandrock display trickling away, and I'm indulging in the classical mix on my ipod.  Currently, "Nessun Dorma" is playing and I can't decide if I feel like crying or rapturously running out into the sunshine :)  Haha :) 

My mind struggles with giving things to the Lord.  Wow.  I actually wrote that sentence.  I don't know if it's an inherent flesh issue of always wanting to control things, or if it's a lack of gratefulness and trust -- but I tend to worry and worry and mull and ponder and pontificate and think and wonder and worry and worry and worry.  And worrying doesn't add a single day to my life.  In fact, I have tweezers that regularly pluck out and discard the gray proof of all my worrying; my bathroom floor is littered with said "proof," haha. 

I justify my worrying by saying that I'm worrying about someone, or because someone else's situation is just too difficult for me to imagine -- but honestly, aren't those the people/issues needing to be laid before the Lord more than any others?  What kind of pride and arrogance does it take to believe that my anxiety will result in anything good?  It won't.  I'm not trusting God, and that's not bringing Him glory. 

There are things I cannot change, and there are things I can.  Ironically, I spend a lot of my time worrying over the things I cannot change, and stuffing my face or sitting on my butt when I should be changing what I CAN.  Prayer changes situations, people, issues.  My worrying does not. 

God reminded me of I Corinthians 10:13 this morning...

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (New International Version)

and -- look at this -- the New Living Translation just hit home for me...

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will  show you a way out so that you can endure. (New Living Translation)

Here is truth as I perceive it today:

Life is tough, unfair and difficult.
God is faithful.

God is faithful.

God is faithful.

And He loves people with a love I could only HOPE to pathetically mimic.  Why not trust Him with their hearts?  Their decisions?  Their lives and hopes?  He is faithful.  I need to worry less.  Trust more.

Oh, and eat less french fries :) ('cuz that's one thing I CAN control that will make my life better)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

William Wallace?

My sister G might have the hook-up on a puppy possibility.  If it works out, I might gain a furry friend who looks a little like this:

I used to say that if I ever got a dog, I would name him William Wallace.  But now I'm thinking that I might just have to wait and see -- because that little face doesn't look very William-Wallace-y to me. 

So PRESH!!  Like I said, this puppy-purchase is not a sure thing -- but it IS something to consider :)  I need to make sure I consider the practical stuff before I see it; I have a feeling all bets will be off if I hold a cuddly, puffy, boolie-ooolie-ballie-wallie sweety-kins puppy in my arms, haha :)

Stay tuned :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Some Kind of Wonderful -- updated :)

I don't really remember how long ago I discovered it, but my mom's cd collection has a "Best of The Drifters" cd.  I like to put it on her kitchen stereo when I'm home.  It doesn't matter if we're washing dishes, making dinner, or sipping coffee on the back porch -- if that cd comes on, I can't help but dance.  And since I'm a terrible, guffawing idiot of a dancer, the moment invariably ends in laughter -- which is my favorite family sound, so it's a total win-win situation.  haha. 

If I can get my parents to show off their suh-weet dancing skillz, it's a win-win-WIN.

I have all sorts of stations on my pandora account, but last week I made one titled "The Drifters."  It was cloudy, cold day and I was aching for warmer days.  The moment "Some Kind of Wonderful" came on, summer arrived in my window-less, February office.  Made me very happy and quite excited about summer days being around the corner.  Happy Valentine's Day!

----------- UPDATE --------------------

The Very Good Man surprised me with Valentine's flowers today!! He had them delivered to me at work -- a basket of roses and daisies, a stuffed monkey, and chocolate.  I mean, how awesome is THAT? I've never gotten Valentine's Day flowers before :)  Big smiles and lots of thankfulness to you, VGM.  You really know how to warm a girl's heart ;)

Apparently, VGM didn't know the monkey part of the arrangement would be so large, haha -- his exact words when I sent him this pic? "Whoa.  The monkey looked way smaller in the picture."

The non-monkey side of the basket-o-flowers :)  So pretty, huh? 

Friday, February 11, 2011

Cotton Candy Clouds

This morning, I watched the sunrise on my way to work.  The clouds were purple, cotton candy confections with pink edges; I saw them floating high above the busy highway and I was reminded of the beauty of God -- the glorious, surprising and unexpected ways He bestows good things.  Cotton candy clouds this morning, skinny caramel macchiatos with a dear friend this afternoon, students who laugh at my dorky jokes and silly powerpoints...

The verse from Psalm 8 popped into my mind -- "what is man that you are mindful of him?" So I looked up the entire Psalm.  Good way to end the week. 

Psalm 8

Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory in the heavens.
Through the praise of children and infants
you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?

You have made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor.
You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
you put everything under their feet:
all flocks and herds, and the animals of the wild, the birds of the sky,
and the fish in the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.

Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

You Don't Bring Me Flowers...

I've had this old song running through my head all morning, and just found it on youtube, so of course I had to post it.  I think my favorite line in this song is "but used-to-be's don't count anymore / they just lay on the floor / till we sweep them away." 

You don’t bring me flowers;
You don’t sing me love songs.
You hardly talk to me anymore
When I come through the door
At the end of the day...

I remember when
You couldn't wait to love me
Used to hate to leave me
Now,  after loving me late at night
When it's good for you, babe
And you're feeling all right
Well,  you just roll over and turn out the light...

And you don’t bring me flowers anymore.

It used to be so natural
To talk about forever
But used-to-be’s  don’t count anymore
They just lay on the floor
‘Till we sweep them away.

Baby, I remember all the things you taught me.
I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry.
Well, I learned how to love and I learned how to lie.
So, you’d think I could learn how to tell you

You don’t bring me flowers anymore.

You don’t say you need me…
You don’t sing me love songs…
You don’t bring me flowers anymore.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


This morning, I told my friend (a Very Good Man) that I think I might be struggling through a period of depression. The past four and a half months have been very emotionally trying, my job seems to be in a state of instability and my spiritual life feels a bit like Carl Sandburg's "Fog" -- my relationship with the Lord feels tenuous, like my faith is creeping in on "little cat feet." I am not used to describing my feelings in terms of instability; I'm not accustomed to feeling like my brain is a jumble of emotions and words and feelings that will, somehow, NOT obey my commands to be ordered and structured. I am lost in my own head far too often. 


One of the blogs I've begun reading recently is written by a friend-of-a-friend. And this friend-of-MY-friend, a young wife and the mother of two small boys, tragically and unexpectedly lost her husband only a few days before Christmas. She is a gifted, gifted writer; her blog is incredible -- I cannot honestly say that I can read it without getting teary. I have openly wept, at times, over her grief and loss. And I've never even met her in person. She is allowing me, a total stranger, to read and see into her heart at this most vulnerable time in her life. Her courage humbles me. Humbles me. 


I do not discredit my own struggles -- but I want to begin to see those moments of discouragement or depression as reminders to pray for the people I KNOW are experiencing difficulties that my mind cannot fathom. I want, Lord, for You to break me in whatever ways You deem necessary so that I might be an effective demonstration of YOUR love and heart. Please, Lord -- help me to know more of Thee and less -- soooo much less -- of me.